Funny, Yummy, Disabled Single Mummy (A lockdown lament)

Revatilise launched a poetry competition as part of their recent campaign, and the winning poem was Funny, Yummy, Disabled Single Mummy (A Lockdown Lament) by Sam Hinton. 

Sometimes disability is hard enough, when you’re tired throughout the day. And working and studying as a single mum leaves little time to play. Especially when you’re on a crutch, and mummified by heat patches. So I thought I’d join a dating site, and check out some new love matches.

And sometimes disability is hard enough, when you’re trying to meet a bloke. Even in this day and age sometimes some men treat you like you’re a joke. I mean, “disability isn’t sexy is it?”, at least that’s what some guys would say. Though I’d beg to differ, in my fancy knickers, I feel relatively ok.

But sometimes disability is hard enough, so when the pools are shut, if you can’t partake in distance sprinting, the government just say “tough luck” What can you do to keep in shape, and keep your pain at bay? When the things you rely on like hydrotherapy are all closed anyway?

And sometimes disability is hard enough, without having to worry about weight gain. For me to have a tidy body is great, since I’m usually miserable with my pain. And of course it shouldn’t matter if we’re different - beautiful in our own design. But online dating is so frustrating, it bores me and I resign

Because sometimes disability is hard enough but when you have to go the extra mile. To make ‘Seductive by the grab rail’, a particular brand of style. “Hypermobile dislocation chic” is something you have to learn work with. And I pay through the nose for self-tan and concealer, ‘cause I bruise like a Granny Smith.

So sometimes disability is hard enough but when your arse gets fatter. Whilst I understand that the size of me shouldn’t even really matter. These little things they do matter to me, my need to look and feel like myself is real. I shouldn’t have to grow a second arse just because of ableist lockdown ideals.

So because my disability is hard enough and I don’t want to be single forever and for me just getting back in shape is a considerable endeavour. Dream man is out there waiting but I don’t feel that sexy when I’m in pain. For goodness sake reopen hydrotherapy so I can get back on the pull again!

The winners of the competition were selected by a team of celebrity judges and supporters, including comedian Alexei Sayle, BBC Radio 2 DJ Mark Radcliffe, Paralympic Gold Medalist, David Smith MBE, actor Peter Polycarpou and actress Carol Royle, and excerpts of the top ten feature in a new video on Revitalise’s YouTube page.